*** Caution — Severe ***
Notes and transcript by JC
This sound file has three parts.
The preparation, as Doc gets ready to punish Cat.
The punishment itself.
And the aftermath, as Cat weeps, and Doc then leads her back to the bedroom so that he can calm and comfort her.
This is an intense punishment. Please don’t listen to it without reading the commentary that explains how Doc and Cat reached this place–successfully..
Taken in isolation, this punishment is literally horrifying. Taken as part of a complex relationship based in desire and trust, a new reality of consensuality and shared achievement emerges.
To download this file, go to Cat v2 4 Sunday–Merciless
I had been writing away about yesterdays spanking when it dawned on me that I still had one more coming. I joked about using my av before you got there. Then I got your email. The tone of it alone chilled me. I am not sure how I could tell the tone of your voice over a computer screen, but I knew you were being totally serious. It really shook me up. Up until that point, I had just assumed that today would be like the last two days. Very intense & painful, but livable. I am not belittling the last two spankings at all. They were awesome. But as JC pointed out, I had not really been frantic. You & I had talked about that a little last night. About getting to the point that nothing really hurts you ‘bad enough’. After our conversation, I felt a bit sad and almost resigned to it. But this morning, it became clear that you were going to make sure I was not at that point.
Your demeanor as you walked in the door confirmed the feeling I had gotten from your email. You were very calm, very cool. Almost curt in your words. I was beyond nervous at this point. I was terrified. I suddenly lost my smart mouth & the jokes that normally come so easy to me were gone. I tried…oh how I tried to be brave and be light and pretend all was well. You started to give me things to do and I thought at first you were being kind, helping keep me busy…but the things you had me do Doc…collecting the lexan paddles….then all of the straps.
By the time you put the strait jacket on me, I think I was trembling. I could feel my legs shaking when you put on the ankle cuffs, could you? Could you hear the fear in my voice? And then…oh god….’There will be no safewords Cat’. No negotiation. It wasn’t an invitation for debate. It was a statement of fact delivered at the 11th hour. It caught me so off guard. I was speechless for a moment. I said the only thing I could say, ‘yes Sir’.
That last moment before you started punishing me Doc was excruciating. Oh god I wanted to say I had changed my mind…that I didn’t want this. I was so incredibly scared. I thought I wasn’t going to be able to breathe. And then it started.
That first blow of the lexan paddle took whatever breath I had away. It was agony. And it didn’t stop. How quickly it took me from fear to desperation. There was no way I could have been prepared for that intense pain that you brought down on me. You were merciless. And so cold in your determination. I don’t even have words to describe the level of pain and sheer panic that I was going through. It was right in front of me too that I had no safeword. I had thought at one point that since I never even thought of using my safewords when you & I play that it wouldn’t make a difference if we didn’t use one. I was so wrong. I may have never used it…but I was always aware that it was there. This time it was gone, and its absence was screaming in my head. Almost as loud as I was pleading with you to stop.
I think you beat me for an eternity with that paddle. That is what I felt like. It went on & on & you showed no interest in stopping. You were totally unconcerned with my pleas for you to stop. The more I begged, the harder and faster you set my ass on fire. I really have no idea how long it went on. It will be interesting to listen to the audio. Right now it still seems like it went on for ever. When you finished with the paddle, oh god I was so relieved….for about ½ a second.
You said you were going to strap my thighs…and that was when I began to lose it. That was when I started to cry. When you proceeded to use the strap my ass instead, I was actually grateful for the pain for just one instant. And then I reached panic mode. I struggled, I moved as far as the ropes would let me, but I could not escape your aim. I know I was begging you, pleading with you stop…I know you were saying things to me that I couldn’t hear, I vaguely remember saying I couldn’t hear you….I am going to have to listen to the audio, because the only thing I can remember is the pain…the panic…the desperation. I am not sure the exact moment, but it was during this time that I started to cry in earnest. I do remember the crying. I didn’t even fight it. I had nothing in me to fight it with. Everything I had in me was focused on surviving this horrendous pain you were inflicting on me. And soon, I was empty. I had no fight left. I had only my tears and instinctive pleas for you to stop.
You pushed me past that point I have never reached. That point where I was truly and honestly ready for you to stop. I wanted no more. When you stopped, the world went silent except for my ragged breath & my crying. I know you said something to me, I am not sure what. All I wanted to do was hide. I was too raw, too exposed and too vulnerable. When you held me, and my kind caring friend Doc was back, it was my undoing. I tried so hard to keep it together. I never have been an easy cry & I fought it. I know I rambled something that made no sense about pulling myself together. You wouldn’t let me hide from this emotion though. You took me back to the bedroom and lay down with me, holding me, rubbing my back. I lost it. As much as I could let myself and way more that I had intended. I needed that though. I probably need more of it. I am still feeling like my nerves are all laying open & exposed….I have been on the verge of tears since getting on this plane…actually I think I have been on the edge since the end of the punishment. I am doing my best to hold it together till I am home, alone tonight, and then if I still need to,,,I will let it out.
What an amazing experience you gave me Doc. You did something no one has ever done before…you gave me ‘enough’. And then some. For the first time ever, my need wasn’t on fire moments after the pain stopped. For the first time, I was totally and completely spent. If I didn’t have a plane to catch, I would have crawled into your bed…hugged a pillow…cried my eyes out and then maybe just have ‘been’.
I wonder how long I am going to be on this edge. I really think I am holding back the infamous sub drop. I am not too sure because I have never had it before…but I think this is what it is.
I need to stop typing for a while…I can’t see the screen to clearly. Raw emotions. Exposed nerves. I need to breathe.
Transcript and notes by JC
Here’s the setup. Cat’s in the strait jacket, over the couch, tied to the feet of the couch.
Her ankles are also cuffed and tied to the couch.
We begin with laughter between Cat and Doc; they’re talking about me (JC).
Cat: …and I said that y’all are going to laugh when you read the end of the narrative.
Doc: Um hmm
Cat: And she sends back another email, she says now I really am sorry, I did laugh.
Doc (quiet, serious voice): She’s suffering the same restriction you are. (both of us are prohibited from masturbating)
Cat: Yes I saw that. I did tell, I said I did have to admit that it did make me smile a little bit to see that she couldn’t either.
Only Cat is laughing this time, trying to be light
Doc: sudden cold, soft voice: I think I’ll restrain you in the strait jacket again.
Doc: Over the couch.
Doc: What I want you to do is go back in the bedroom, go to the implement toy bag, and pick out every item there that’s made of lexan and bring them back here.
Cat: (small, nervous voice) I don’t know what lexan is.
Doc: It’s a clear plastic.
Cat: Ok, the bag on the right or the left?
Doc: The left suitcase.
Cat: Thank you.
Doc: Very good. Now, go back there and get every strap. I’ll also need a sheet to put over this (the couch).
Cat: There are significantly more straps then there are Lexan things.
Doc: That’s fine. We have enough time. Put them down there next to the lexan paddles.
Doc: Do you have a last will and testament?
Cat: My final statement is there’s a thing as karma. (she actually said, “My final statement is, JC, there’s such a thing as karma” but it was disrupted in sound file processing)
Discussing arranging the sheet over the couch
Doc: Just in case you wet your pants or something, it’ll soak up some of it.
Cat: You have the most amazingly evil look in your eyes.
Doc: You’re reading me right.
Cat: Is it too early for rum?
Doc: Um-hm! Today’s no warm up, no rum.
Cat: I’m leaving you … that. (not sure what she’s referring to)
Doc: Thank you! The next time you come, we can toast to your health.
Doc: (very cold, commanding voice) Strip!
Cat: Panties on or off? (tiny voice)
Cat: Panties on or off?
Doc: Off, strip completely. Leave your necklace and nipple rings on.
There you go.
Doc: Strait jacket is being fastened. (loud snaps) How does that feel?
Cat: Ha hm
Doc: How do you feel?
Cat: There aren’t even words for it.
Doc: That’s how happy you are?
Cat: That’s probably not the right adjective.
Doc: Not the right adjective?
Come over here. Bend over the couch.
How is that? Is your chest on that pillow comfortable? Good.
Doc: You’re not going to be able to adjust it much once I get you tied. At this point you’re still nearly unrestrained; you’re just in the (strait) jacket. We’ll change that.
Doc: You have no safeword this morning.
Long, tense pause, then tiny, mumbled, yes sir.
Doc: A little louder, please.
Cat: Yes sir.
Doc: And what else? Besides “yes sir”?
Cat: Thank you?
Doc: A little louder.
Cat: Thank you.
Doc: That’s correct. Good girl. A lot of women want to be spanked without a safeword, and it’s not something that I do lightly.
Doc: You look as if you’re praying.
Cat: I don’t pray.
(Doc is tying her up)
Doc: This string is too elastic. I’m going to replace it with something that doesn’t stretch. I want you not to have to worry about whether or not you should jump up. I want you to just be able to lie there and take it. How’s that sound to you?
Doc: Does that sound good to you?
Doc: This is better.
Doc: I worry about you a little. . . . I think it’ll work out OK.
Now how far can you stand up? (testing the ropes) It’s not very far.
Cat: No! . . . (sounding very nervous) Why do you worry about me?
Doc: Just how you’re going to deal with this. Whether you’ll be OK. I think you probably will. You’ve shown how tough you are. But you never know till it actually happens, do you?
Doc: Now let’s get cuffs on your ankles.
Is this a comfortable position overall?
Cat: Overall, yes.
Doc: You’re not putting too much weight on the wrong places?
Cat: It’s good.
Doc: Good girl. I like you lifting your ankle up so I can cuff it for you.
Cat: I’m nothing if not accommodating.
Doc: There we go. We’ve got the same goal, I think. Now what is our shared goal?
Doc: What is our shared goal this morning?
Doc: Um hmm, that’s a good way to put it. How much pain?
Cat (tiny voice): Lots of pain.
Doc: Um-hm! There’s a better way to put it though, besides “lots of” in terms of amount. . .
Doc: Well, as much as I can; it’s the maximum, whatever that turns out to be.
I mean I hope that…
Put your foot back down again…
So the maximum will be, the most I can manage. I could give you a lot of pain, without
giving you the maximum. That would be a shame, after all this that you’ve traveled, and
everything that you’ve put up with so far. Put your foot a little bit down … That’s OK.
Is that comfortable?
Doc: I don’t want to deprive you of anything. I want you to go home satisfied, to do my very best.
Doc: What is this?
Cat: A blindfold.
Doc: Do you want that?
Doc: You shrug . . . I’m going to put it on you, if you want it or not. Let me see if I can get this in a way that doesn’t hurt your ears. Is that comfortable?
Doc: How much can you see?
Cat: I can see the blue of the couch and the white of the sheet. . . that’s it.
Doc: Way down at the bottom. Ok, how’s that. Still comfortable
I think you’re just about set.
Doc: Is there anything I’m forgetting?
Cat: Not that I can think of.
Doc: Not that you can think of. Ok. Good.
(sound of camera, then of liquid being shaken)
Doc: This is a little contact enhancer.
Cat: (half laugh, half moan)
Doc: It’s 50% water, 50% glycerin. It will help the paddle contact your ass more smartly.
Tiny groan from Cat.
Doc: Ever had this?
Cat: Um-mm. Never even heard of it.
Doc: Well, then this will be a new experience. A little bit cold, OK?
Doc: Sorry about that. Sorry. You’re doing great. Just a little coldness.
Cat: Stings, too.
Doc: Stings? Huh, OK. Well, it’s not supposed to sting much. I hope it doesn’t.
Very good. OK.
Doc: Now you see, this is a good thing I’m not a smoker, because if I were a smoker, I would go outside and have a cigarette now and leave you, and that would be mean. But, I would never do that to you. Actually, among other things, you don’t leave someone who is tied up. But I could go sit outside and sit and watch you (through the glass window) while I smoked. But I won’t do that either.
Doc: I’m going to paddle you now. Are you ready?
Are you ready?
Cat: Yes sir (whimpered)
Doc: A little louder please.
Cat: Yes Sir.
Doc: Good. When I ask you questions, I need you to answer clearly, not mutter something into the folds of cloth in front of you.
Cat: Yes sir.
Doc: Very good. I think this is going to hurt.
Cat: Oh god!
Cat: Oh god!
Doc: It does hurt, doesn’t it?
Doc: You’re bucking already. (sound distorted by recorder movement)
Cat: Ow! God!
Doc: I know it’s bad. That paddle really hurts, doesn’t it?
Cat: Ohh ohh!
Doc: Umm (sympathetically). I can see how bad that is.
Cat: Ah –ha! Yelling already
Doc: Um, yeah! You’re being so brave. I know this is horrible.
Cat: oh god oh god oh god!
ow ow ow
Cat: ooo ow!
Doc: Don’t swear (it sounded as if she were going to say something improper)
Doc: You need to be punished.
Cat: oh god!
Doc: A little faster
Cat: Oh no oh god please please doc please
Oh oh oh
Doc: Stay on the couch! Stay down! (she is bucking)
Doc: I am going to paddle you!
Much hard paddling
Cat: Please, please doc
Oh god, please
Please, oh god…
Doc: Bad girl!
Cat: Oh god! Oh god! Please Doc, god that’s too much.
Doc: You need paddling
Doc: You need this to hurt
Cat: Oh god it’s too much!
Doc:. . . and by God I am going to hurt you
Cat: Please, please, anything
Doc: Down you go! Stay down!
Doc: You need more paddling! (she was trying to stand up)
Cat: Please god, please god, Doc… anything, anything, anything, please…
Doc: How about more? Does that count as “anything”?
Cat: No. No, anything, please stop
Doc: Do you want something different? Do you want a change of pace?
Cat: (sobbing) I don’t want any more.
Doc: You don’t want any more? Well, that would be a reasonable place to end it. Except that we have a debt for you to pay to our friend JC, don’t we?
Doc: That’s right. (picking up strap) I’m not going to whack your ass any more. I’m going to strap you on your thighs.
Cat: Oh no, god please, Doc, please don’t. Please!
Doc: Back you go.
Cat: Doc please…
Doc: I know you don’t want this.
Doc: I’ll tell you what we’ll do. I’m going to try it on your butt and see how you like that.
Cat: Ow ow ow god!
Doc: How is that?
Cat: Ow, doc!
ow, ow, ow
Strapping is steady, unrelenting.
Doc: You’re doing great. How do you like the strap?
Cat: I hate it.
Doc: Is that a nice thing to say?
Cat: No I’m sorry, I’m sorry!
Doc: For something our friend wanted you to experience?
Cat: Oh god!
Doc: Tell her, thank you for suggesting this.
Cat: I didn’t hear you…
Doc: Tell her, thank you for suggesting this.
Cat: Thank you for suggesting it (weeping).
Doc: Good. Good girl.
Rapid, vigorous strapping
Cat sobbing desperately
Cat: Oh god! Please!
Doc: You need this!
Cat: No more!
Doc: And I’m going to give it to you!
Cat: No more please! No more
Doc: I’m just getting warmed up!
Cat: Doc! Oh doc! No more, please!
Doc: Does it hurt?
Cat: Oh god, yes it does hurt!
No! Please! No, no, no.
Doc: A little harder.
Cat: No! No!! (yelling)
Merciless spanking. Crying is frantic, desperate
Cat: Owww! Owwww god! Oh Doc, please!
Oh god, please no more, please…
Doc: You’re being very brave.
Cat: Frantic begging, sobbing
Doc: You need more punishment
You need more strapping
Cat: Ow! Ow! Owww! Please Doc, please!
(screaming) Please doc, please doc, please doc…
Cat: I can’t any more! I can’t! Please!
Doc: Are you crying? (sympathetic sounding again) Oh yes, you are. You have tears dripping down your nose.
Doc: Now sometimes when I finish punishing you, you need a little bit more, another few minutes. Do you need another few minutes?
Cat: No (very shaky)
Doc: No? You’re sure? It’s easy to do it.
You’re not already wanting more?
Cat: No . . . (half laughing)
Doc: Well, I think you’ve had enough for now. I’m going to untie you.
Cat: I twisted that at some point (the strait jacket)
Doc: Give me a hug. And what do you say to me?
Cat: Thank you sir.
Doc: Thank you for what?
Cat: Beating my ass. (laughing)
Doc: You’re welcome. I hope it felt sufficiently punitive.
Cat: And thank you for not attacking my thighs.
Doc: I always believe in leaving you some control. I thought it would be interesting to see how the strap was on your thighs, but we can leave that for another day. I didn’t want to do anything extreme. (this comment is surely ironic)
Doc: Is that what you came for?
Cat: Yes sir.
Doc: Did you get every bit of it that you needed?
Cat: Yes, sir
Doc: Did you get even more than you needed?
Doc: Are you happy about that?
Doc: Good girl. You’re still crying; you’ve still got tears. That’s my well-strapped girl (patting her)
Doc: Did you notice I didn’t give you a warmup?
Cat: Yeah, I did notice that. I wasn’t expecting one, though.
Doc: No. It would have been a mistake.
Cat: I wasn’t expecting a warmup, but I wasn’t expecting what I got, either.
Doc: And what was it that you got that you didn’t expect?
Cat: I got more.
Doc: More what?
Cat: Just more
Doc: More paddling? More strapping? And when it hurt, what happened?
Cat: It didn’t stop.
Doc: It got worse, didn’t it?
Doc: Yeah. When I could see I was hurting you, I would whack you harder and faster
Cat: You did
Doc: Um hmm. That’s pretty traumatic, isn’t it, really? You’re still needing to be held.
Cat: I think I can hold it together . . . I need to just get it together.
Doc: Say it again?
Cat: I think if I can hold it together, I can hold it together. I know it doesn’t make sense.
Doc: Hmm, say it a different way. I’m going to uncuff your ankles.
Doc: So hold it together when?
Doc: You don’t have to hold it together. I know a lot of people in this situation who would just like to go back on the bed and have a nice long hard cry. There’s nothing else like that. Would you like to do that? (untying ankles)
Cat: I’ll be ok
Doc: Come, let’s lie down for a minute. That’s a pretty serious punishment (walking down the hallway to the bedroom) and I think we should lie here for a couple of minutes. Let’s get this off (the strait jacket)
(now in the bedroom)
Doc: Come on here. Lie here. There’s my girl. You were such a brave girl.
Doc: It was really awful, wasn’t it?
(Cat nods head)
Doc: Yeah. That’s my brave girl.
Cat breaks down, crying again
Um-hm. It’s OK to cry. It’s OK.
Cat sobbing softly
Doc: You don’t even have to have a reason. There you go.
Doc: I’m going to just hold you as long as you need to be held.