April 1 – Taking a chance
Since beginning this diary, I have received several nice comments from readers. Thank you for responding. I’m guilty of reading blogs and thinking to myself that I should write to the author, then not following through. So I understand that it is easier to not comment than to do so. This makes me appreciate those of you who have taken the time to send messages even more.
One suggestion made that I want to share with all of you is to check out Passion.com as a source for meeting a spanking partner. If any of you have had good luck with a particular site, then please share the information with us. There are so many places on the internet offering personals that it is difficult to know where to begin. Or if you’ve been successful meeting a spanking partner in another way, then please share that with us, too.
From the messages I’ve received so far, it is clear that many spankos have our needs unmet. I know from experience how frustrating and depressing this is. I really encourage those of you who can to try to do something about it. I certainly had no guarantee of a satisfactory conclusion to my search, but just the act of telling myself that I wasn’t going to accept another vanilla relationship brightened my outlook on life. It does require a leap of faith, but I’m so happy that I took a chance on finding another spanking partner.
Whether we are tops, bottoms, doms, subs or switches, however it is that we identify ourselves, this is a part of our nature just like being a heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual is a part of our nature. When you’re a spanko, the cravings don’t go away by not actively living the lifestyle. This is who we are. We can live in a state of perpetual angst or we can try to do something about it.
If I can find a spanking partner at my age, living in the middle of nowhere, then you can find one, too. I know it’s scary, but if you put yourself forward and make a little effort, you might be amazed at the result.
April 2 – Cyber spanking
I received a wink today on Alt from a man in Beijing. My first thought was that it was an absurd contact. There have been many winks from men far outside the geographical boundary I set out. I can only assume that one of two things is happening. Either these men are interested in cyber spanking or they can’t read.
One of the things that I dislike about Alt is that it boxes members into too few descriptive categories. Many of the member profiles state that the person is available for “anything”. I plan to go in and change my personal space to clearly state that I am not interested in cyber spanking.
Cyber spanking seems to be quite popular with a lot of people for a variety of reasons. I am in no way criticizing those people who find it satisfying. Talking about spanking online is entertaining and passes the time. I have greatly enjoyed my spanking conversations with both #2 and a man I met as a result of this diary. I’m glad this option exists for those people who find it impossible for whatever reason to have a spanking relationship in person. And there is the option now of using web cams for meetings, where the top instructs the bottom to give himself/herself so many spanks with a certain implement in view of the camera. This has the top directing and witnessing the action even though a distance separates the players. Again, for those people who find this satisfying, then great. Go for it. But it isn’t what I am ultimately seeking. I need a personal contact with a top to be satisfied.
This brings up the whole self-spanking issue. Self-flagellation has been used for millennia by religious orders of one sort or another. For those people interested in spanking solely as a tool for punishment, then I suppose a bit of DIY would be effective. However, you would lose the uncertainty of when the blows would fall, how hard they will be, how fast they will be delivered, exactly where they will fall, and how many you’ll get. In other words, the edginess that makes a spanking exciting would be taken away by the fact that you’re in control of the implement. For me, that bit of uncertainty is important. On the other hand, I’ve never been involved in a spanking just for discipline situation. It might very well work better for that than I imagine.
April 3- 4 – Planning for the weekend
Things have slowed down on Alt and have never really gotten started on bondage.com. There is going to be less and less to report from those sources, I imagine. Certainly not enough to necessitate a daily entry.
#1 and I have decided to meet again on Saturday. It appears likely that Saturdays will become our regular meeting day. He is retired, but I still work full-time. Meeting on Saturday makes sense for me since I don’t have to get up early the next morning for work. It also gives me a day to nurse a sore bottom if necessary. I doubt if every session will be as mild as the first one.
Do you realize what is happening? I am assuming that #1 and I will continue to meet. A month ago I wouldn’t have believed I would be making a statement like that today. I am truly as astonished as you are.
My bottom is in good shape again. The bruises are gone and there is no tenderness left at all. The thought of having it reddened again is exciting. The thought of being able to look forward to a spanking on a regular basis is really gratifying. But since it is never a good idea to count our chickens before they’re hatched, I plan to continue checking Alt and Bondage for contacts. I want to leave the door open for other possibilities. Looking for the “perfect” spanking partner is the subtitle of my diary. #1 appears to be a good spanking partner and I’m relieved to have found him. I’m not sure a perfect anything truly exists. But who knows. There may be someone out there that I’ll like even better.
April 5 – Farm and garden and another meeting
An obligation with a service organization put me at a local farm and garden store this morning. During a break, I moseyed back to the tack shop to do a bit of browsing. A conversation with #2 convinced me that I need a riding crop.
I’m sure you all know that about anything you can imagine in the way of implements is available over the Internet. I’ve been browsing several sites for paddles, straps and floggers. One flogger in particular caught my eye recently. It is deerskin, fat and thuddy, and I lust after it. However, I have no intention of paying the $350 price. That is just too expensive. So I looked at some suede ones, which are also for sensual use. Those are much more economical, but still run over $100. I hate to spend even that much, but I really want another flogger. I adore the rubber one I have, but want something with a bit of a different feel. I planned to order a suede one for $105.
So, I was in the tack shop looking for an inexpensive crop. The ones from the Internet shops are overpriced, considering how much a real one costs. I managed to locate a pig bat for $7.39. The online ones cost up to $40 for the same thing. I was feeling rather smug when I noticed a package of very soft suede saddle strings. A dozen in a package, each 72 inches long and 3/8 inch wide, the width of most flogger strings. Yep. I bought them. $24.49. And there is enough suede to make two floggers, a short fat otk one and a longer, regular one. Now I have to figure out how to create or attach handles. I’ve always been fairly crafty, so I’m sure I’ll come up with a perfectly good flogger for a really cheap price. I figure it is the feel of it that is important, not pretty colors and fancy handles. There were saddle strings available in a variety of leathers. The others were even lower cost than the suede. I love a bargain.
Tonight was my second meeting with #1. It would have been a pleasant evening without any spanking. But there was a spanking. It started much like the first one, with a very long otk hand spanking that left my bottom all red and stingy. Then he had me go over a pile of pillows again and baptized the new crop. It was my first experience with one. Truthfully, I expected it to sting worse than it did. It was quite sensual. I like it. He gave me 30 with it, but I would have been happy to have had twice that many. Then he switched to the tawse again, which he clearly likes, and gave me a dozen with it. He finished with a leather paddle. He only gave me six with the paddle and stopped because he was concerned that my skin was damaging. Like last week, he held me and cuddled for a long time afterward, stroking and soothing. I was so relaxed I fell asleep. Is this guy good or what?
April 6 – Beginning to worry
Today I have some very ugly bruises, much worse than last week. The thing that puzzles me is why. Granted, the spanking hurt, especially when he used the tawse. But it didn’t hurt enough to have caused that much damage. And I’m pretty stiff and tender generally, even where there aren’t any marks. It’s also true that I have always had a fairly high pain threshold. But he didn’t use any of the implements excessively. I really don’t want my bottom to do this. I’m worried that if I can’t take even a moderate spanking without him having to quit, he’ll get frustrated and it won’t be satisfying for him.
He seemed ok with it. Told me to be patient, that my bottom will toughen up again. I sure hope he’s right. Considering these bruises, it’s a good thing he stopped when he did. At least he’s considerate and cautious. I have to stop overanalyzing everything. I make myself crazy when I do that.
There will be fewer entries next week. I’m taking a week’s vacation and will be out of town for a few days. I’ll be back for my Saturday spanking. Must keep my priorities straight.