Within an hour I had two contacts. One from a man, 56, from a town 7 miles away. He said he enjoys “giving erotic spankings and whatever to beautiful women.” Since he didn’t mention enjoying spanking short chubby grandmothers, I checked out his profile to discover that he apparently doesn’t care about appearance. I found that a bit disingenuous, especially since he already put in the beautiful qualifier, but it was comforting to read. My appearance doesn’t frighten small children, so I guess I’m ok. Being curious about the “and whatever” bit, I looked more closely at his profile. A couple of things in it made me a bit uncomfortable, but overall, this guy is a pretty good prospect. Amazing. First contact is a possible. So I winked at him. Sending a wink on Alt means you are flirting. I also sent him a short note thanking him for contacting me and asking him to please be more specific about what sort of play he enjoys.
The other one tonight was from a 36 year old man with a single sentence: “Will you spank me as well?” So I replied to him. Actually I plan to reply in some form to everyone who contacts me, if only to say I’m not interested. I asked him if he realizes I’m old enough to be his mother (which might be the attraction) and asked him if he is a switch. I am here to get MY bottom spanked, after all.
Neither man tonight had a photo on their profiles, which annoyed me a bit. But, I understand the reluctance. It took a bit of moxie for me to use one, even if the only thing clearly apparent from mine is that I have an ample bottom.
From experience I know that there will be some replies tomorrow to wade through. So it’s off to bed.
March 20 Sifting through the first replies
Good grief! Now I remember what I didn’t like about this site. Many of the people who contact you clearly do not possess an adult level of reading comprehension. And then there are the HNGs…horny net geeks who think it is cool to introduce themselves by attaching a photo of their genitals.
I have reconsidered my resolve to send a personal message to everyone who contacts me. Alt has a feature at the top of your inbox where you can send a quick reply. You check the name of the person and then make a selection from the drop-down menu. The last option says simply, “Thank you but I’m not interested.” You can send this message to several people at once. A nice feature. There should be an option saying Ewwwwwwwwwww. Go away!
So today I had 8 new contacts. One man from Florida (remember I said 100 miles from my home) told me that when I saw what he had to offer, I’d be glad to travel to get it. Photo of erect penis attached. Quick reply/delete A man from Texarkana (closer but still way out of range) told me he would like to beat my ass with his cane and then beat my pussy with his hard cock. Photo attached. Quick reply/delete Two men who are within my geographical range are looking for slaves for total power exchange and cock worship. Quick reply/delete I heard from two women. One is looking for a sister and wants to introduce me to her master. The other one wants me to spank her. Quick reply/delete.
I was winked at by a man, 39, that I remembered from my first go around. The message sounded identical to the last time. I imagine it goes out to all new female members within his geographical area. Inoffensive, he has a nice smile, so I winked back. He’s younger than I would like, but he probably won’t reply anyway.
Then there was a reply from a man, 56, that certainly got my attention. It began “there is something about the beauty of a hot, red ass laying across your knees.” He went on to talk about the warmth of his hand, the slap of leather, being face down restricted to the bed, stinging toys and a crimson touch. Whew! Very hot. I checked out the profile and it is reasonable. I sent him a reply. I rather hope this one gets back to me.
The younger man from yesterday sent me three replies. He likes older women because he enjoys their “shame” at having a younger man control and punish them. He is quite bossy. Clearly a dom looking for a sub. Little hope here..
March 21 Vocabulary
Tonight I went in and changed two words in my profile. This resulted from receiving three more responses from bottoms wanting me to top them. Folks, I’ve never spanked or otherwise struck anyone in my life. So, in order to make things as clear as possible, I changed what I am looking for from “spanking partner” to “top”.
This brings up the problem of vocabulary on BDSM sites in general. I listed myself as a sub because that was my only option. Bottom was not available. Words mean different things to different people. I do not have a true submissive personality. I am not going to let anyone dominate every aspect of my life. I’m used to being in control in both my private and professional life. I am the one with the responsibility of making the tough decisions. This doesn’t mean I am a domme who enjoys controlling people. It means I am strong, competent and capable of coping with just about anything. What I could never cope with is being belittled and bossed around. I absolutely refuse to accept a relationship, public or private, where that is a factor.
So, how do I make people understand that for the purpose of being spanked, I will relinquish control to the top, but once the spanking is finished we have to be equal partners? My spanker and I all those years ago had an agreement. For the purpose of spanking, he was in charge. I became submissive and did what I was told. He chose the time, the place, the implements. For his part, he agreed never to abuse the situation or to take me farther than I needed to go to accomplish the desired result. I trusted him completely. Our relationship in every other way was one of equals. It worked well. That is my frame of reference. That is what I’m looking for again.
Today I corresponded with the man who lives nearby – my first contact. I’ll refer to him as “#1” We talked a bit about our expectations…what he needs for it to be a satisfying experience and what I need to have happen in order to feel safe. I also began a dialog with the man who sent me the sexy message. I’ll dub him “#2” In the course of the second conversation, I referred him to Doc Tsai, told him to read my profile here and if he was still interested, to contact me through the e-mail address. Which he did. So, in a matter of days, I have made two contacts that could result in a meeting down the road. I’m encouraged.
There were two more contacts from doms looking for an obedient woman to train. One was from way outside my geographical area. The other one is just outside it. Both men used words like train, worship, obey, slave, bind, punish, collar, mold. Guys, your arrogance is surpassed only by your failure to grasp reality. Don’t waste my time. Holy semen? Give me a break. Quick reply/delete.
And an interesting message from a man, 65, from a small town about 10 miles from me. “Oh baby, U need my cock so bad. I am the one who will make U scream. U will cum and cum.” Four erect penis photos attached. Quick reply/delete.
March 22 Weekend warrior
It was time to register on bondage.com. I took the Premium membership for three months for $54.95. This site is smaller and has a different feel than alt.com. Eventually I want to explore the forums there. Today, though I just needed to get registered and a profile set up. Following Doc’s advice, I used the same screen name and photo as alt.com. I am establishing my “kink” persona.
This is what I used for a profile: Single, middle-aged woman from SW Missouri who enjoys being spanked otk with a hard hand and leather implements. Likes light bondage. Prefers a male 50-70 who lives within 100 miles of my home. Since sometimes you just want to talk and hang out, prefers a person interested in books, gardening, classic rock, baseball, taking long walks, travel. Must like pets.
I was busy with weekend chores, so didn’t spend enough time on the site to be able to comment intelligently. But at least I’m registered.
From Alt came another contact from the younger man, who sent me his e-mail address. I contacted him to tell him I don’t think we are a good match. The age difference really bothers me. He uses an initial as a signature and has no name attached to his e-mail account. He did send me a photo of himself showing a very attractive man. I wonder if it is really him?
Yet another young man contacted me, this one 37. What is going on here? Is there an entire kink I didn’t know about? “Mother, you switched my legs. Now I will switch yours and paddle your ass and then lick it.” Quick reply/delete. I’m not sure I want to be in cyberspace with that one. No photos of genitals, though.
The replies are slowing down already. So far I have received 10 winks and 8 people have put me on their hotlist. Most of these people have received quick replies and a delete.
He can’t be all bad
Today I exchanged several e-mails with both #1 and #2. #1 is pressing me for a face to face. After corresponding with him a bit, I realize that the things in his profile that bothered me are negotiable. This brings up the question of how seriously I should take the profiles. I wonder how much of what is written is wishful thinking? I’ll think about it. Also, I found out that he likes baseball! The guy can’t be all bad.
I enjoy talking to #2. We seem to have several things in common. Both of us enjoy living alone and are not looking for a live-in relationship. Both of us are cautious and want to go slowly. Both of us have spanking as our primary interest. We agree to keep talking and decide to use IM.
March 23 Sunday musings
It’s late and my eyes are crossing. I just spent over 4 hours on IM chatting with #2. We do seem to be establishing a rapport. We talked about a variety of things, including spanking, of course. We discussed implements, positions, exploring new paths, pushing boundaries. He was full of questions. I tried to answer him honestly, but haven’t had enough partners to be able to make some of the comparisons and evaluations he was seeking. We agreed to chat again.
I received a new contact on Alt from a man, 56, on the Kansas side. He is about 25 miles from me. He sent a message through Alt that he would like to spank my “cute little ass” (apparently didn’t look at the photo or has no sense of proportion), that all the women he has spanked really enjoyed it (enjoy and spank in the same sentence is a good sign), and that he would be sure to lick and kiss it all better ( I suppose if you must). He has a Harley. Be still my heart. A biker spanko. I replied. He hasn’t gotten back to me yet, but if he does, I’ll keep you informed.
And the really BIG news is that I threw all judgment to the wind and agreed to meet #1 for coffee. I mean, a spanko Cardinals fan. I am currently without not only a spanking partner, but someone to talk baseball with. I am considering trading my bottom for box seats at Busch Stadium. Just kidding. Sort of. Anyway, we are having a face to face on Tuesday. He will be wearing his baseball cap, and I’ll be wearing my 2006 World series champions T-shirt.
I don’t want to be so cautious that nothing ever happens. On the other hand, I don’t want to be too trusting. Learning how to balance all this is going to be a challenge.