The online scene changes with time. Back in the day, alt.com and bondage.com were good places to meet a spanking partner. Nowadays Fetlife takes the top position. Note that Fetlife is not a dating site, but it is an excellent place to ask questions and get to know people online.
There are spanking-only sites, but as far as I can tell, they are small. A spanking site might have, let’s say for the sake of discussion, a thousand members. If a BDSM site has 100,000 members, there might be 10,000 who are mostly interested in spanking. That’s why I’m asking you to consider both.
Finding a spanking partner is very much like finding a partner for romance (whether long-term or of the one-night-stand variety). The usual suitability considerations apply.
The battle of the sexes . . .
in kink dating is over—the women won. In the world at large, women slightly outnumber men. In kink circles, however—and especially online—there are more men. I’m not sure of the explanation; perhaps women are more concerned about the safety of meeting someone online. Whatever the reason, there’s no doubt of the data.
I once tallied the numbers for heterosexuals with profiles on a kink dating site in one state (I think it was Arizona). Male tops outnumbered female bottoms by 3 to 1, and male bottoms outnumbered female tops by 9 to 1. This doesn’t mean that women have an easy time finding suitable partners, but men would do well to keep this imbalance in mind.
This may be the 21st century, but whether it’s online or at a party, the man still usually approaches the woman.
It is unfortunate, but in some online venues, women are flooded by wildly inappropriate e-mail. This is such an important aspect of online dating (for women–men don’t have this problem) that it’s worth some additional commentary.
The online personals offer an abundance of men who are beyond clueless and a sprinkling of men who are dangerous. There may be women in both categories as well, but I believe men are less put off by this aspect of online dating, so I address it from the woman’s point of view here.
As the saying goes, to find a prince you have to kiss a lot of frogs. But that doesn’t mean you have to French kiss them!
Over time, internet dating will become more sophisticated. But right now there are far too many people who are either encouraged to act inappropriately by the anonymity of the web and their misperceptions of what is appropriate, or have no social skills in the first place. You are looking for someone who displays all the usual social niceties: who is polite, writes appropriately, and notices the non-kink aspects of your life.
Does he see you as a person?
If you say in your profile that you are an elementary school teacher, your hobby is playing the violin with a small group, and you like to be spanked, someone with class will notice all three of those facts. Unfortunately, there will be a lot of people who will notice only your interest in spanking, or who may not even notice that and assume that you are really interested in becoming their slave. You may be flooded by email from clueless men. There are so many of these men online, and they are so active, often sending generic emails to every woman in the site, no matter how inappropriate, that they have earned their own classification: HNG, which stands for Horny Net Geek.
Their first email to you may begin “You have found your Master. Submit to Me. . . .” It may also contain a picture that only a urologist could love. All of these men are beyond redemption, and some of them are dangerous; even just saying “no” can provoke them. If someone you meet online acts in a way that is inappropriate, don’t hesitate: delete the email and block the sender. That is not rude; it’s a reasonable response to a rude and intrusive approach from him.
I can’t promise that there is a prince out there for you. But many women have found wonderful long-term relationships on the net, and by that I include the kinky online personal net. The web can be wild—but it can also help you find someone terrific.