Most major cities in the United States—and many in the rest of the world—have BDSM clubs; a few have clubs or events dedicated to spanking. Most of these clubs and events are utterly safe and newcomers usually find a warm welcome. There are often newcomers’ groups.
If you are a woman considering attending a club or event, you can usually call or email ahead of time and find another woman who will act as your guide and smooth the way at the first meeting.
What to expect
What happens at meetings varies, but here are some that are typical.
- A lunch or dinner “munch” is a meeting in a public place (typically a restaurant or bar) for social conversation. This is a very low-threat way for newcomers to meet other people and learn about the local scene
- A club meeting. This might begin with committee reports and end with a demonstration with a single-tailed whip or Japanese bondage . . . or spanking.
- A private or semi-private party in a home. To be invited to this sort of event, attend a public event and act like a reasonable person.
Everyone has different things they enjoy most within this broad scheme of things, so even if you have no interest in bondage, there are likely to be people at a general BDSM event who are interested in spanking.
Most BDSM clubs and events are utterly safe and newcomers usually find a warm welcome. There are often newcomers’ groups, and females can often find someone to act as a personal guide to smooth the way at the first meeting.
The man who thinks he’s your boss
If you are a woman who would like to be submissive in a relationship, and you chat with a potential partner at one of these events, he should be as polite as if you were at a church Christmas party. If you want him to act dominant, there will be time enough for that after you give him the green light. If he comes on strong at first meeting, I worry that he is not dominant, but abusive–something very different. At this first meeting, it is fine to act confident but rude to be aggressive.