Most people who love the idea of spanking yearn to experience the real thing.
If you already have someone to share this exciting experience with, that’s wonderful.
If you don’t, and you would like to find someone to spank or be spanked by, this section is for you. I’m going to start with what an obvious option —
Convert someone you know
Perhaps someone you know, even someone you are already involved with, would love to explore spanking but is reluctant to bring up the topic. You don’t have to pour out the details of your secret desires; just say something suggestive and see where that leads. Propose a birthday spanking. Say “I should be spanked” or “you should be spanked” for a mistake. What do you have to lose? Just be prepared with a follow-up comment in case your potential partner seems interested in learning more.
If you don’t have a committed partner, please consider looking online or in local events for other people who are interested in spanking. Think you could never find a partner? Think again!
Finding someone who also loves spanking
You as a person are unique, but the type of spanking experience you crave is shared by many others. Here are my thoughts on connecting with someone so you can turn fantasy into reality.
Whether you meet someone online or off, your safety should be foremost in your mind. Please see Safety.
If you are a newcomer to all of this, what are your prospects for getting some action?
There is little disadvantage to being a new sub. For every top who wants an experienced sub, there is another who accepts or even prefers a newcomer.
But what of the new top?
Rest assured, you will also find a partner. If you go to play parties you will likely meet subs who will be happy to get you off on the right foot. If you are meeting people online, be up front about your inexperience and if your approach is otherwise sound you will still find partners.
So you don’t want to date a weirdo?
Some people avoid kinky clubs and websites because they assume that those people are weirdos. There are weirdos in those places; there are also people who are conventional in every other respect. Teachers, accountants, doctors, lawyers, nurses, techies, often high performing and well respected.
Spanking versus BDSM scenes
There are some online sites, and some local clubs, that are dedicated to spanking, and there are spanking events that draw from a wide region in places like New York, Dallas, and San Francisco.
But I encourage you to also consider looking (whether online or off) at places that are BDSM-themed. The reason? Even if you are strictly interested in spanking, there are many more scenes devoted to BDSM than to spanking. Within these BDSM venues, there are usually people who are primarily interested in spanking. And you might be interested in some other kink activity beyond spanking.
The “BD” stand for “Bondage and Discipline,” the SM for either Sadomasochism (the usual meaning) or perhaps Slave/Master.
BDSM includes the following activities—this is of course a much abbreviated capsule view:
- All BDSM
- Bondage and discipline
- With ropes, cuffs, masks, etc.
- Servitude (master-slave play)
- And more
- Sadomasochism (punishment or torture play)
- Spanking, paddling, caning
- Wax play
- Lots of others
- Bondage and discipline
If you want to learn what these words mean, check out The Deviants’ Dictionary.
Despite this list of activities, spanking is almost always welcome and appropriate at BDSM events.
How it works–one woman’s experience
Mary Catherine wanted a spanking partner. But she didn’t just want one–she went out to see if she could find one. Her story is wonderful–take a look at Reclaiming the Fire.