An erotic spanking can be delightful. But most spanking aficionados consider pain an essential part of the experience.
These two powerful words introduce us to the central hazard and glory of spanking. Manage the pain properly and you will be richly rewarded; but how to manage it is a matter of substantial complexity.
Many people find a certain erotic frisson in the occasional swat on the ass, or in a mock spanking that might, at the most, sting. The stakes are higher when the spanking actually hurts. For most of us, pain is a vital part of the spanking experience. Most of us have attempted spankings with people who don’t hunger for that pain. It’s usually a flop, and sometimes a disaster.
I’ve spanked people who didn’t want to be spanked and were putting up with it for my sake. At first everything was fine. Then it started hurting and they did not want to continue—just when it was getting to the point where I wanted it to be.
Similarly, many people who want to be spanked find it’s easy to get a partner to give them a mild spanking, but almost impossible to get a spanking that hurts. Hurting someone we care about—or anyone else, for that matter—flies in the face of what we are taught. This is usually a good thing!
But consensual adult spanking is a special case. And for most of us who love spanking, the pain is essential. We understand that it is through the pain that we may find joy.
Spankings hurt a lot
People who have been soundly spanked confirm the truth of this statement. Novices, however, are often completely unaware of the amount of pain produced by a hard spanking. In their minds, spanking is erotic and they imagine the pain as enhancing the erotic delight.
When I was emailing the woman I hoped would give me my first adult spanking, I emphasized how I wanted it to be a real punishment. The more it hurts, the better, I said.
I was … mistaken. Being spanked hard is shockingly painful. Don’t try to dive into the deep end. There are too many ways things could go wrong.
Now, by “spanking” I am including paddling, caning, tawsing, and strapping. Bear in mind that there are still judicial systems (Singapore comes to mind) in which the cane is used as punishment for criminals. Rest assured that being caned in Singapore produces atrocious pain. Similarly, the tawse and the strap can produce incredible suffering.
You can prove it
If you are in doubt about this, perform this simple experiment. Take a small paddle or large hairbrush. If you can’t find one of these items, then take a cheese or bread cutting board, or a similar-sized piece of plain wood as long as your forearm, as wide as your hand, and as thick as one of your fingers. Remove your pants or skirt. Sit comfortably. Take the paddle and give yourself one whack, as hard as you dare, on the top of your thigh.
I did this, just once, when I was first exploring real life spanking, and I was shocked by the pain. Sure, whacking yourself on your thigh isn’t the erotic event we have in mind, so presumably being paddled on the ass by an eager person of the appropriate sex would be less punitive and more exciting. Nonetheless, the basic sensation of paddle hitting flesh does not change.
The fact that spankings hurt is not a bad thing; far from it. For most spanking lovers, the pain is an essential component of the experience. The goal is not to eliminate the pain. The goal is to manage it: to share the right kind of pain, at the right time, at the right intensity. One of my purposes in creating this website is to help you reach that pain—and the ecstasy that sometimes accompanies it.
Subspace is a little-understood but much-coveted state of mind in which the bottom ecstatically fuses with the pain. This thumbnail description does not do justice to the phenomenon; but it suggests the two cardinal elements of subspace. First, an alteration in consciousness. Second, a desire for the scene to continue, often with increasing intensity. A bottom in this condition wants the scene to go on forever; the top must therefore decide, alone, when to stop.