The phrase “over the top” has two meanings.
It can be a good thing, as when there is an amazing amount of something you like. An over-the-top orgasm, where you see rainbows and feel unimaginable pleasure.
More often, over the top means the activity has gone beyond where things should be and on to someplace excessive. Some spankings are over the top, and I don’t mean in a good way. There is just too . . . much . . . spanking.
I’m not referring to brutal attacks. If someone hit you with a 2×4 and broke your coccyx, that’s not a spanking that has gone over the top; that’s an assault.
It seemed like a good idea
I’m talking about spankings that seemed like a good idea at the time. Both people consented to the spanking, but things went wrong. Sometimes one person considers the spanking a success and the other person does not; sometimes both agree that it was a disaster.
This is an important phenomenon, for several reasons.
First and foremost, you don’t want to go there! You don’t want to be part of a spanking in which someone feels they have been violated or emotionally injured, whether by too harsh a punishment or in any other way. Sometimes the person who was spanked is fine with the experience but the top freaks out. These spanking stories can help us learn about what happens when things go too far.
Second, the descriptions are often erotic. I say “often” because the eroticism, for me, depends on the specifics of the spanking. For me, a mild spanking is boring, and a brutal spanking is repulsive. There is a sublime middle ground, and as the spanking gets more intense and consensuality becomes strained it gets progressively better until it goes too far, over the top, and then it is scary and no good.
A spanking can be over the top for the bottom—this isn’t what he or she wanted in one way or another. A conscientious top strives to avoid this.
It can also be over the top for the top. Most often this is because the top is frightened or shocked by having given what feels like a too-severe spanking, and feels like a monster. This can happen even if the bottom had a wonderful time; it can happen even if the bottom wanted more, and was disappointed when the spanking ended.
It’s not just a question of intensity
A spanking doesn’t have to be intense to be over the top. If a kinky top is trying to persuade a vanilla bottom that spanking can be fun, but the bottom is not wired that way, any spanking can be too much. It can be even worse when the bottom is trying to persuade a partner to dish out the spanking. The top can be upset after committing what feels like an assault, even though the bottom was begging for more. This is the serious problem of the discordant relationship (discussed in Suppressing Your Spanking Desire).
Even if you and your partner both love spanking, if you like to push limits, you are likely to encounter an over-the-top spanking.
A spanking can also be over the top from the point of view of people who aren’t even in the spanking. I’m thinking of the time when I was 12 and I spanked my 13-year-old cousin. She and I both loved it, but the adults got into an uproar (see About This Website and Me). The spanking was exciting, but my mother’s reaction was one of the most horrible experiences of my childhood.
I’m including links to some other over-the-top spankings as well. One is from Bonnie, a blogger, describing a time she safeworded when being spanked by her husband–Red! Red! Red! Bonnie’s blog, My Bottom Smarts, is wonderful.
Another is from Kit, describing her memorable paddling.
Strong relationships survive
Every spanking occurs in the context of a relationship. A spanking is an emotional experience as well as a physical one, and our emotions color the physical sensations. An over-the-top spanking can destroy a fragile relationship. In contrast, a couple that has developed a trusting relationship can shrug off an over-the-top spanking. It’s something they learn from and often remember with wry amusement. But you’re better off avoiding the experience entirely.